I remember working out the day I became older than my big brother. When I reached it, It was by far the worst of all the days, birthdays, death day, Christmas, none compared. And everyone I found in the same position felt the same. And the whole rest of the world had no idea.
Thank you for sharing this. I did this and thought I was absolutely crazy. I had this magical thinking that I would somehow die that night in my sleep like he did. I knew it was ludicrous given what I do for a living, yet, I couldn't help but ruminate on it. I don't think I slept for days.
“Grief math,” “new math,” “death math…” I called it “Bad Math” in my book because, like you, I ached for one thing to (please) stay true — the numbers. But you just helped me accept that those figures are irrelevant. Though I’ve technical outlived him, David will always be my older brother too. 🧡
I remember working out the day I became older than my big brother. When I reached it, It was by far the worst of all the days, birthdays, death day, Christmas, none compared. And everyone I found in the same position felt the same. And the whole rest of the world had no idea.
Thank you for sharing this. I did this and thought I was absolutely crazy. I had this magical thinking that I would somehow die that night in my sleep like he did. I knew it was ludicrous given what I do for a living, yet, I couldn't help but ruminate on it. I don't think I slept for days.
“Grief math,” “new math,” “death math…” I called it “Bad Math” in my book because, like you, I ached for one thing to (please) stay true — the numbers. But you just helped me accept that those figures are irrelevant. Though I’ve technical outlived him, David will always be my older brother too. 🧡
Yes! I remember reading that now as you said it. I’m glad this was helpful!
He’ll always be the older one. 🫂